New Beginning. 23. (Almost)

It’s been a year or two since I’ve posted. A lot happening in the months of 2018 – 2019. I find myself at a familiar cross roads, this time with the strength of new experiences to draw from. I live in a beachy town in New Zealand, a bounty of nature and new life. I wake to the presence of my life partner and furry feline, in a room lit by either the sun or candlelight. I’ve endured a lot to get here – a lost baby , bad relationships and reoccurring belief in the untrue. It’s only recently I’ve begun to honour my own path, often fighting with perceived and illusionary expectation. Every week I find myself in the wake of new realities, our world in more motion than the previous day. I left my job this morning, a place that had forced me to face my own music and realise the beauty of its profound orchestra. And while I’m facing possible practical difficulty, I am more sure than I have ever been, that I am eternally protected, by my own strength and that of my own lineage. At this time I’m being compelled to consider the narrative of my story; why I have danced with the devil and somehow survived – intact and hopeful evermore. I look through a lens of gratitude today – for the difficulty and triumph alike. I urge the eyes on this post… to do the same. Light and love!! Brontë Louise x

Me + Me = True Love.

This is snippet written with the intent to remind you of your journey and the importance of being dedicated to yourself and your growth. The entire context isn’t necessary for you to understand the message…just for you – if in times of confusion – to maybe feel not so alone.

He was beside me, hand on my knee. My heart wasn’t as open as it had been in my quiet moments. My mind abuzz of emotion and foggy with a 4am blanket of irrational thinking. Nothing was making much sense .. hence the tears. I look in hindsight and wish I could’ve spoken with more clarity and calm. Instead, I conveyed something hard in appearance, my sentences short – I felt immediately angry with my lack of insight and softness, I held back and felt frustrated.

But thats okay. Maybe it was the angels or the universe or something other than anxiety tying my tongue in knots. I’ll trust it regardless.

Its been two years. He was my first love and someone that I’ve continued to appreciate and value in memory, conversation and in magical moments of deja vu. He represented the first male to showcase to me, a stream of pure unconditional love. During our sweet three years – my mother was in an abusive relationship, he comforted and supported me through moments of deep abandonment and borderline hysteria. Losing my precious mum to a scary and very troubled man… It was heavy – but he aided in carrying the weight of an almost impossible situation. Although struggling with his own identity and personal distress, I could always rely on his hilarity and compassion and kind heart-  I have him to thank for a lot – its quite something to be able to reconnect someone back to their light.. during such a period of darkness. Agreeing that our bond is still undoubtedly strong –  I have felt both elated and sad over the duration of the last few weeks; such a meaningful character in my story, paying such a fleeting visit. I got very confused – what was the fucking point, always looking at the bigger picture – I failed ( until right now) to realise the reasoning and consequently became upset at the thought of him travelling back to where he resides.

Its hard to differentiate things and sit in a peaceful state of logic when overcome by emotion. Especially one that we perceive as the love between two people.  I know its something alot of humans struggle to endure – it can be a lonely road at times and isolating. My experience over the past few weeks – was something I wanted  to share. Often we lose ourselves and what is divinely right, to the thought of an outcome or a product of fear..often one that involves being ‘forever alone’. Everyone has a shadow side, we are all fucked up – we are all traumatised – we are all a work in progress. I know intuitively, I still have alot to do within that of my relationship between me, myself and I – I am so multi faceted, I am so beautifully aligned, I am so in love with my chosen existence and lucky in many regards. So lucky.

In our conversations – we talked of being the curator of our own life – in 2 years we had discovered the power in taking life by the reigns and had learnt of our individual capabilities, how wholesome it felt to be lovingly selfish. Compromising this would be ill fated, I had not yet reached my pinnacle and I had a knowing that the universe required a little more from me before I could settle into the inevitable. I feel so empowered by my decision to value this time – just being Bronte Louise Kent. This isn’t me saying you shouldn’t fall into the arms of true love … instead me affirming that it isn’t necessary  to the value of your existence. You are perfect – just being a love story … of your very own.

Love and Light and Happiness .. B Louise x

Me + Me = True Love

 

A Beautiful Reminder…

Plopping myself on the bus this morning, brain all foggy and capable of only primal activity…eat, get dressed and form the words “into the city please”. My fifties attire bright and Monroe-esque. I hadn’t ventured like this before, so solo and with a significant small adventure planned “Im going to the museum today wbu? ”. I felt tragically intrepid. Before noon was a treasured time of day. The first breath of the A.M compelled a vulnerability detectable in the roughest of folk. All babies of the universe, sleepy-eyed and velvety. In my visit to the wardrobe of history, I made an oath to indulge in each artefact, like a precious pot of honey. My eyes were to be the sticky fingers and my brain like 1000 tingled taste buds. Walking through the domain towards my ‘journeys end, I remembered my six-year-old feet, wandering with a similar enthusiasm. Such was my smile, so I wide and worn, I might have related to the sun itself. I was completely without an ego today, I felt unshackled from her, liberated and in agreement my naked spirit. Why so nude and tickled pink? Because at present my ego was D.E.A.D. Whilst editing her tinder profile and waiting upon on a text that would never arrived, her throat was cut… murdered by my inner liberal and empowered feminist. As far as I was concerned, Miss Ego-Bitch could stay massacred. She clawed at boys and wailed like a relative had died because her stomach folded over. It was something of a beautiful reminder. I’d remember this day till I saw the world through creased eyes. Looking at my countries heritage, I knew exactly who I wanted to be, in the eyes of Goldies finest, I found empowerment. I was proud of myself. I was breaking away from my own self deprecating rituals and old scripts/ affirmations were being proof read and edited. I encourage you to do much of the same…proactively find yourself. I go forward with a relieved anxiety and a replenished adoration for my existence.

Happiness, Love and Light…Bronte Louise x

just feeling like a magic seed was flourishing all flowery in my belly.

Writings. Number 1.

The high and mighty God sweeps across each landscape like a bird with golden feathers. A crying woman bathes in the sea, to expel an unearthly cry, her beloved baby, taken by the clutch of divinities claw to help newborn souls in heaven.

‘The bird with such resplendent plumage’ talks in all native tongue, chirping in each tree to amend wars by way of a peaceful moment. To cut a slice of bread, is to find a golden feather of hope, in each crumb, holy flour to feed us. Outside a watchful black eye; lonesome little Archie kicking the ground, wishing desperate at the dirt, that our feathered friend would peck his daddy to death.

In everything I saw him. The Universe; introduced to my dense human exterior, as a character, made comprehensible in fables and anecdotes.

The Universe. He and She and It.

Observing our turmoil and tediousness, orchestrating ‘whats meant to be’. Beneath our on mass anxiety, was the ringing of its flapping wings, producing like a turbine the air, in which we breathe, to co-exist and learn our lessons.

Life. Transience. Death.

A mere thought in the eternity of which our soul floats.

Our Existence.

Written with love..Bronte Louise x

When the Super Moon was out for all to bathe in. Complete feeling of life and death and everything in between. It was the most beautiful I had ever seen myself, my happiness selected in how big and bright she was.